My roommate’s cat follows me into the bathroom. Here he alternates between biting my knee and fervently rubbing his face over mine. I am stuck on the toilet because I have not yet told him “I love you” enough times to the point where I think he can understand. He squints his eyes and purses his lips and purrs as he melts his little body onto my lap. I don’t know if he will ever understand the words I say, but I think we are both saying them. I didn’t lock the door. We’re not a door locking house. I imagine anyone would be confused if they saw us, but in our apartment I don’t think it would raise too many alarms.
In the not quite two years in which I have lived here, I have had 9 roommates, four cats and three dogs pass through. We are now in the market (short term at least) for roommate #10.
If we ran an honest roommate ad it would read like this:
Muenzgrabenstrasse ****, **** Graz
Location is incredible, neighbors are great except for the one who shrieks obscenities (in English) during odd hours. Don’t mind him, he has anger issues. The two lads upstairs are pretty fit though, the girls in our apartment have given their thumbs up. Apartment itself is also amazing. Kitchen leaves something to be desired in prep space, living room could use more furniture, steps could use some love (tile is falling off) but otherwise, no complaints. Don’t mind the ants in the spring. At least we don’t have mushrooms here.
B: sassy, bluntly honest, adorable early twenty-something with mood swings ranging from foul rage to the picture of sweetness. Just avoid communication if angry. Power cleaner, great at cooking anything involving cream and bacon or pasta, in quantities to share. Absolute charm with baked goods! Foul moods totally worth it. Wonderful with children and sparkly nail polish. Trademarks: short hair (nearly always misunderstood in Austria) and Kaerntnerisch (Carinthian Dialect). Favorite phrases include: ist lei Spass, havi d’Ehre and Quatsch mit Soesse.
M: bashful, completely flips out at the mere mention of her Italian lover. French, mostly quiet, known for strange noises and hiding from the cat, although she is warming up to him. Trademarks: bringing home soft cheeses, tiptoeing through the house, disappearing to play tennis. Favorite phrases: Gahhh!!! Neeeeiiiinnnnn!! Cooookieee!! Ich sag’s dir.
Cookie: cat. Indulges in hate/love relationships with all occupants. Bites and scratches for no reason at all, but is the sweeetest little nugget when it comes to cuddling. Known for his stink eye, 4am wake-up calls and completely photogenic nature. Known for sleeping on our shoes, battering my laundry basket and trying to escape late at night. His perfect night is spent fighting your feet (hide them wisely under the comforter, it doesn’t hurt) and snuggling up around your face and or neck.
Me: the description I heard was: “is almost never home but when she is, is very likeable”. I hope this is true. Additionally I would like to add that I am the owner of the washing machine and blender and am very good at taking out the trash and vacuuming. I also make a mean waffle.
As often as we have looked for new roommates, I am actually looking forward to it this time. Highlights of the last round were:
– the 18 year old who asked if we would do his laundry
– the bro who slept through his 7pm appointment, then showed up at 10 and stayed an entire hour. Told funny stories about other bro apartments where no one wore pants, even to go get Kebaps.
– the girl with the tunnel vision who wanted to bring her free range guinea pigs and rabbits (see CAT)
– the girl who admitted she wasn’t interested at all but stayed forever
– the guy who wanted to move in immediately but admitted he probably couldn’t pay rent
– the aggressive physicist computer game player who warned us that “it might get loud” at 2 or 3am, but advised us to just knock on his door frame
Can’t wait to see who turns up🙂